As I write this I am watching a preseason baseball game, the SF Giants vs. the Oakland A’s, which is why I remembered the above insight gleaned at the ballpark several years ago. Funny how the most mundane experiences can lead us to see things fresh and new!
Home. Never missing.
When I’ve stirred up a lot of mental commotion, my spiritual home can seem obscured, and I am unclear where I’m going. But like the umpire, I can always rediscover my wellbeing right where it always was. Simply allowing my busy-mindedness to quiet, seeing my worries and anxieties for the thought that they always are, brings me back to that beautiful feeling of oneness and sufficiency that is right where I left it. Home run!!!
One of my classes this week was very caught in wanting to feel good all the time. I flashed back to how relieved I was to learn, in those early days of the 3 Principles, that humanity doesn’t pull this off much. My were clear that ups and downs, highs and lows, irritations and anticipations, were probably going to continue to wander down my thought-stream, regardless of how enlightened I became. In 2008 I spent a weekend in Salt Spring Island, and even Sydney Banks was in an irritated mood that week!
One wouldn’t think this would be good news, but I was raised in a Norman Vincent Peale household, where my mother and grandmother were very caught up in the idea of positive thinking (except, of course, when THEY were angry!) For all my life I have known that thought was huge in my experience, but some days, when I was in a full-blown thought attack, I just couldn’t think my way out of it!
So what’s the deal? If I’m not going to feel good, what good is understanding? I was listening to a recorded lecture yesterday from Adyashanti, and he said “we turn inward to the creator of our illusions, and say, I’m onto you, you are no longer fooling me!” Looking back at the last twelve years, I am amazed at the overall peace, joy and contentment that has dominated my life. Not because I feel those things all the time, but because I return to them more quickly.
Disrespecting is a big word among my post-jail students. Disrespecting my own thinking is a true freedom.
Let’s face it, I’m really good at it! I listen to what is said, or watch what is happening, and I can make up a story in no time that analyzes what it means! “If he loved me he would ……..!” “She said that just because ……..!” They probably think…….(fill in the blanks!) When it isn’t clear what is going on, my mind wants to fill in the blanks. Occasionally, I’m even right, which encourages me to make up more. We come by it honestly. This week our news reports were full of stories of a disappearing airplane, with newscasters telling us, in essence, we don’t know what happened, so we will join in the speculation. Our media “magazines” are filled with meaning-making! So and so wasn’t wearing her ring today, so it must mean……..!
There is no problem with this, except when I start believing what I made up! Ever make up what someone is thinking, and then resent them for thinking it? I confess, I have. When I bust myself, I have to laugh, but the timing is critical, because I can do damage in that time of illusion. What a blessing to have the insights to crumble the fantasies I create! Oh! I made that story up! Wow, for a minute there I thought it was real!
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a birder and wildlife enthusiast. I was privileged, one day, to spot a tiny hummingbird nest just above eye level in a neighborhood tree. I could lift my camera high enough to shoot downward, and over the weeks to come saw the tiny little tic-tac sized eggs become chicks. The construction of the nest itself fascinated me, and brought me face to face with the amazing intelligence of life! This bird simply knew how to construct a home that I couldn’t begin to fashion. This poem followed, and it is one of my favorites.
I learn so much by watching how other forms express the life they are a part of! Seeing the trees budding in season, the ruddy ducks changing colors for mating, and even our cat shedding her winter coat, I know that this intelligence is also alive and active within me. I have only to allow my intellect to settle down enough so that my intuitive guidance can be heard. How many times have I wished I had trusted that little voice? What matters more, will I listen to it today?